I Don't Want to Do This Anymore

There may come a day when a thought pops into your head that scares you.

A thought you don't want to admit.

A thought you definitely don't want to say out loud.

The thought is simple:

"I don't want to do this anymore."

Not next week.

Not next month.

Not later.

Right now.

You don't want to wear the brace.

You don't want to think about scoliosis.

You don't want another appointment.

You don't want another conversation about brace hours.

You don't want any of it.

If you've ever had that thought, you're not alone.

In fact, many teens who have been bracing for a long time have experienced it.

The problem is that most people feel guilty about admitting it.

They immediately judge themselves.

They think:

What's wrong with me?

Why am I thinking this?

Does this mean I'm giving up?

Does this mean I'm weak?

Usually, the answer is no.

Most of the time, it means you're burned out.

There is a huge difference between wanting treatment to end and wanting to quit treatment.

Many teens confuse the two.

Wanting treatment to end is normal.

Of course you want treatment to end.

Of course you wish scoliosis wasn't part of your life.

Of course you wish you didn't have to wear a brace.

Most people would feel exactly the same way.

That doesn't automatically mean you want to stop working toward your goals.

It means you're tired of carrying the responsibility.

Burnout has a way of shrinking your focus.

Instead of thinking about months or years, your brain focuses on immediate relief.

You stop thinking about the long-term benefits.

You start thinking about how good it would feel to not have to deal with the brace tonight.

Or tomorrow.

Or ever again.

That desire for relief is incredibly powerful.

Especially when you've been carrying something difficult for a long time.

But relief and solutions are not always the same thing.

Sometimes what you want in the moment isn't actually what you want overall.

Think about a difficult workout.

In the middle of it, you may want to stop.

You may desperately want to stop.

But later, after you've finished, you're glad you continued.

Burnout often creates a similar conflict.

Part of you wants relief.

Part of you still cares about your goals.

Part of you wants to quit.

Part of you wants good outcomes.

Those conflicting feelings can exist at the same time.

Many teens are surprised to learn that they don't actually want to quit treatment.

They want to quit feeling exhausted.

That's different.

Very different.

One of the most important questions you can ask yourself during burnout is this:

"If treatment were over tomorrow, what would I want my results to be?"

Most teens answer quickly.

They want the best possible outcome.

They want their hard work to matter.

They want to feel proud of the effort they put in.

That answer tells you something important.

Your goals are still there.

Burnout is simply making them harder to see.

Another thing burnout does is make tomorrow feel impossible.

You start thinking about how much longer treatment lasts.

How many more months.

How many more appointments.

How many more nights.

And the weight of all that time becomes overwhelming.

That's why one of the worst things you can do during burnout is focus on the entire journey.

The entire journey is too big.

Too heavy.

Too overwhelming.

Instead, focus on today.

Can you wear your brace today?

Can you get through today?

Can you make one good decision today?

That's enough.

Burnout recovery rarely happens by solving the next two years.

It happens by surviving the next day.

Then the next day.

Then the next day.

One step at a time.

It's also important to understand that having the thought "I don't want to do this anymore" does not make you a bad bracer.

It does not erase all the work you've already done.

It does not mean you're failing.

Thoughts are not actions.

Feelings are not decisions.

Many successful bracers have had moments where they wanted to quit.

Many successful bracers have cried.

Complained.

Felt angry.

Felt exhausted.

Questioned everything.

And yet they still finished treatment.

Not because they never struggled.

Because they kept moving forward despite the struggle.

If you're in a season where you don't want to do this anymore, try not to panic.

Try not to judge yourself.

Try not to convince yourself that one difficult thought defines your entire journey.

It doesn't.

You're tired.

You're frustrated.

You're burned out.

Those feelings are real.

But they are not permanent.

And they are not the whole story.

The fact that you're reading this means part of you still cares.

Part of you still wants help.

Part of you still wants to keep going.

Listen to that part.

Because burnout may be loud right now.

But it doesn't get the final say.

And neither does one difficult day.

Or one difficult week.

Or one difficult season.

You can be tired and continue.

You can be frustrated and continue.

You can even want to quit and continue.

And sometimes that is exactly what resilience looks like.