It's Okay to Hate This Sometimes

There are a lot of messages teens hear after they find out they need a brace.

"Stay positive."

"Everything happens for a reason."

"Look on the bright side."

"At least it isn't worse."

Most people mean well when they say those things.

They're trying to help.

They're trying to encourage you.

They're trying to make you feel better.

But sometimes those messages can create a different problem.

They can make you feel like you're not allowed to be upset.

Like you're not allowed to be frustrated.

Like you're not allowed to hate any part of this experience.

The truth is much simpler.

It's okay to hate this sometimes.

It's okay to wish things were different.

It's okay to feel angry.

It's okay to feel disappointed.

It's okay to feel frustrated.

It's okay to have days where you are completely tired of dealing with scoliosis.

Those feelings do not make you negative.

They make you human.

One of the biggest mistakes people make is believing they have to choose between being positive and being honest.

You don't.

You can be both.

You can be hopeful about the future and still admit that today is hard.

You can be grateful for support and still dislike the brace.

You can believe you're going to get through this and still feel frustrated along the way.

Those things can exist together.

In fact, they usually do.

Many teens think strong people don't struggle emotionally.

They imagine that strong people stay positive all the time.

Strong people never complain.

Strong people never get upset.

But that's not what strength looks like.

Real strength is being honest about difficult feelings without allowing those feelings to completely control your life.

Real strength is saying:

"This is hard."

And continuing anyway.

Real strength is admitting:

"I don't like this."

And continuing anyway.

Real strength is acknowledging reality instead of pretending it doesn't exist.

Sometimes teens feel guilty for being upset about scoliosis.

They think:

"Other people have bigger problems."

"Other people have it worse."

"I shouldn't complain."

It's true that other people face different challenges.

But that doesn't make your challenge disappear.

Something doesn't have to be the worst thing in the world to be difficult.

You're allowed to acknowledge your own pain.

You're allowed to recognize your own struggles.

You're allowed to have feelings about what you're experiencing.

Ignoring those feelings doesn't make them go away.

Usually it just pushes them deeper.

And when feelings get pushed down long enough, they often come back stronger later.

That's why giving yourself permission to feel is important.

Notice that permission to feel is different from permission to quit.

Those are not the same thing.

You can hate the brace sometimes.

You can hate appointments sometimes.

You can hate scoliosis sometimes.

And still keep moving forward.

Those things can happen at the same time.

Many adults do this every day.

They dislike parts of their jobs.

They dislike certain responsibilities.

They dislike difficult situations.

But they continue because those feelings don't automatically determine their actions.

You can do the same thing.

One of the healthiest things you can learn during brace treatment is emotional honesty.

Instead of pretending you're fine when you're not, try naming what you're feeling.

Maybe you're frustrated.

Maybe you're embarrassed.

Maybe you're scared.

Maybe you're tired.

Maybe you're angry.

Maybe you're all of those things at once.

That's okay.

Feelings are information.

They're not proof that something is wrong with you.

They're simply part of being human.

Another important thing to remember is that feelings change.

The way you feel today may not be how you feel next week.

Or next month.

Or next year.

Many teens experience emotional ups and downs during treatment.

Some days are easier.

Some days are harder.

That's normal.

You do not need to judge yourself every time your emotions change.

You do not need to panic every time you have a difficult day.

You do not need to assume that frustration means you're failing.

Sometimes it simply means you're tired.

Sometimes it means you need support.

Sometimes it means you need to talk to someone.

And sometimes it means you're having a perfectly normal reaction to a difficult situation.

One thing that can help is talking openly about how you're feeling.

Tell your parents.

Tell a trusted friend.

Tell a counselor.

Tell your doctor.

Tell someone.

You don't have to carry every emotion by yourself.

In fact, you shouldn't.

Support exists for a reason.

And asking for support is not weakness.

It's wisdom.

The goal of brace treatment is not to become a person who never struggles.

The goal is not to become a person who never feels upset.

The goal is not to become a person who loves every part of the experience.

The goal is to learn how to navigate difficult feelings without being controlled by them.

That's a much more realistic goal.

And it's a much healthier one.

So if you're having one of those days where you're angry at scoliosis...

Where you're tired of the brace...

Where you're frustrated with the whole situation...

Take a deep breath and remember this:

You do not have to love this.

You do not have to be positive every minute.

You do not have to pretend everything is okay when it isn't.

It's okay to hate this sometimes.

What's important is remembering that difficult feelings are part of the journey.

They are not the end of it.