Why "You're So Strong" Can Feel Hard to Hear From Your Parents Sometimes

Parents usually say it because they love you.

They see you going to appointments.

They see you dealing with uncertainty.

They see you handling things that most kids your age don't have to think about.

And they say:

"You're so strong."

They're trying to encourage you.

They're trying to tell you they're proud of you.

They're trying to remind you that you can handle hard things.

But sometimes, hearing those words from your parents can feel surprisingly difficult.

Not because they're doing anything wrong.

Because of what those words can accidentally sound like.

Sometimes when a parent says:

"You're so strong,"

a teen hears:

"Keep being strong."

"Don't fall apart."

"Don't let this bother you."

"Keep handling it."

Even though that's usually not what the parent means at all.

Many teens in monitoring spend a lot of time trying to look okay.

They go to school.

They do their homework.

They hang out with friends.

They answer questions at appointments.

They tell everyone they're fine.

Meanwhile, inside their head, scoliosis may be taking up much more space than anyone realizes.

They worry.

They compare.

They feel sad.

They feel frustrated.

They think about their back far more than they admit.

Then they hear:

"You're so strong."

And part of them thinks:

"But I don't feel strong."

"I cried about this last week."

"I hate how my back looks."

"I'm scared about my next appointment."

"I don't feel brave right now."

That's why the comment can sometimes feel lonely instead of comforting.

Because it feels like your parents are seeing the strong version of you but not the struggling version of you.

The reality is that most parents would want to see both.

They don't just love the brave version of you.

They love the scared version.

The frustrated version.

The emotional version.

The version that doesn't know what to say.

The version that feels overwhelmed.

The version that needs help.

Parents don't only want you when you're strong.

They want you.

All of you.

Sometimes teens accidentally think they need to protect their parents.

They don't want to make them worry.

They don't want to make them sad.

So they keep the hard feelings hidden.

Then parents see a child who appears to be handling everything well.

And naturally they say:

"You're so strong."

They don't realize they're only seeing part of the picture.

One thing that can help is being honest.

If you're struggling, tell them.

If you're scared, tell them.

If you're tired of being strong, tell them.

You might say:

"I know you think I'm handling this well, but I'm having a hard time sometimes."

Or:

"I don't always feel strong."

Or:

"Sometimes I just want to be sad about it."

Those conversations can completely change the way parents understand what you're experiencing.

Because most parents are not asking you to be strong all the time.

They're simply proud of you.

The problem is that pride and pressure can sometimes sound similar.

And when that happens, it's okay to let your parents know.

Because your parents don't need a superhero.

They don't need a child who never struggles.

They don't need someone who has everything figured out.

They need an honest relationship with their child.

One where you can be brave some days.

Scared on others.

Strong sometimes.

Messy sometimes.

And loved through all of it.

Because the truth is, your parents are proud of you even on the days when you don't feel strong at all.